This is a copy of a post I made 5.5 years ago, feeling here again, and after re-reading my life over my last blogging time period brought about the sick cyclic circle of what I've allowed my life to become, or maybe simply what it was designed to be.
Self-Imprisonment
a self created prison holds me here
shackles about my ankles, bruises about my wrists
pain and wallowing restraining self preservation
relentless words, emotional turmoil
guilt, self-loathing, and self-inflicted pain
all stopped from reach for the keys aside my leg
no gatekeeper stands in my way except my mind
heart brutally beaten and destroyed
pieces scattered about the ground
not of heart and soul but will to live
you look into my eyes and see nothing
emptiness , blank, soul less
as pain floods by body
feeling lifeless yet screaming for help
a hand reaches for mine
sitting motionless, mind urging movement
body stationary against will
continuing this prison i call my own
awaiting the strength to stand
searching for the inner energy
looking for the will to live
fighting to stay alive
yearning for a release
begging for ....
these shackles ...
imaginary objects placed by mindset
trapped about a make believe prison
lost within a self created darkness
wandering about a world of tortured souls
hoping to escape this place
this place I've called home for too long.
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